Monday, June 16, 2008

Doc Complex.

The Bairds have been battling a flu-like death virus this last week. That’s an exaggeration, but we hardly get sick so being sick is a rough experience for us. Cambell, the boy, was the first to come down with it. Last Monday he woke up from his afternoon nap with green boogers all over his face and two snot trails coming down his nose. The poor kid. It’s the first time he’s been sick.

Being the rockin’ awesome dad that I am, I scooped the boogers away with my hand (it was all I had available at the time). I also thought I was immune to sissy kiddy viruses. My body has 26 years of virus butt kicking power behind it! I’m invincible! Wrong. Friday morning I woke up after .2 hours of sleep. I proceeded to lie in bed and various other places and positions the rest of the day. The “Cambell Green booger flu” laid me up for the whole weekend.

Today I stayed home from work. I’m feeling a wee bit better but now I’m having problems with my ear. I feel like my head is underwater. I stand up and I feel like I’m on a circus ride. Pain in the ear is usually a big deal (that’s what the internet said, and the internet knows all). You should go to the doctor if you have pain in your ear (the internet said that too).

I hate going to the doctor... Most of the time when I hear a doctor’s advice I think: “Gee thanks, I learned that one from watching TV.” Or “So I should rest when I get a cold. Fascinating.” I feel like doctor’s get off on playing hide the ball. Of course, a doctor is the closest thing next to a demigod on earth (again, something the internet said). Inevitably you have to visit the doctor time and again.

You can imagine I wasn’t too thrilled when I decided to go to the doctor today. I went with the expectation that he’d give me some magical solution to my ear problem. After some probing and prodding and ooohing and ahhhing the doctor came to his conclusion: “Mr. Baird, you should go home and rest.” What the frak? Give me some drugs man! I was at least expecting a prescription ear pain relief drop thinger. Gosh.

I think I’m in favor of home brewed health care. When I got home, I downed a Diet Mt. Dew, ibuprofen, and chocolate-chip cookie cocktail. Now I feel right as rain, besides the whole ear thing.

Friday, June 6, 2008

June 6th: The Day of Days.

On June 6th, 1944, the greatest off-shore invasion in the history of this earth took place. An allied force of more than half a million men, from the United States, Great Britain, France, and Canada stormed the beaches and dropped from the skies of Normandy. The operation was code named Overlord. The beaches were named Omaha, Utah, Gold, Juno, and Sword. And little did anyone know that 59 years after this fateful day the author of this glorious blog would step through the door from boyhood to manhood. That’s right, my friends, 5 years ago today I disembarked from my own personal amphibious landing craft and stormed my own beach.

Just so no one is confused, on June 6th, 2003, I got married. Today Heidi and I are celebrating our 5th anniversary of marital bliss. It’s sort of a cool thing that my wedding day also coincides with D-day. I’ve always sort of been an amateur World War 2 buff, so the fates aligned when, unwittingly, my wedding day/anniversary fell on the same day our boys stormed ashore, and initiated the beginning of the end for Adolf Hitler.

So today, on this day of days, I must send out my hearty congratulations and thanks not only to the many veterans of WW2, but also to my lovely wife. Without their sacrifice, none of the happiness I enjoy today would be possible.