This post is about the so-called romantic comedy and how 98.327% of them are total crap. Most Americans, as I alluded to in an earlier post, seem to have pretty low standards when it comes to entertainment. Our culture is so soaked with cheap thrills and excitement that when we actually have the time to enjoy a movie we regrettably tend to pick films that were written by Hollywood drunks trying to make a quick score.All romantic comedies follow the same formula, which could be described in the following manner:
1) Guy and girl meet.
2) Guy or girl says: “Hey, I’m guy/girl. I have this job / political view / abnormality / [insert characteristic here] that makes me different from you. I might also have a secret. You want to hook up?"
3) Guy or girl responds: “Hello, guy/girl. Sure. Can we make out / get it on after a couple of dates and/or minutes?”
4) Guy and girl go out.
5) Wackyness ensues.
6) Wackyness ensues.
7) Wackyness ensues…
8) Eventually guy and/or girl have a problem, seemingly insurmountable and irresolvable.
9) Musical Montage.
10) Musical Montage…guy and/girl are shown, deep in thought, crying, pensively considering the problem.
11) Guy and/or girl confronts guy and/or girl regarding the problem, either at the airport, or a sporting event, or some other unusual or uncomfortable place.
12) Guy and/or girl somehow resolve issue. They are deep in love after 4.5 days.
13) The movie ends.
14) Two-thirds of the men in the audience vomit.
15) Some Hollywood drunk makes 30+ million dollars.
Sadly, much to my chagrin, the fairer of the sexes is lured into the romantic comedy trap more easily than us dudes. To keep peace at home, and to maintain the sometimes fragile equilibrium of the relationship and/or marriage, I have devised a short list of films, in no particular order, that us guys could watch, but only if absolutely necessary.
1) Sleepless in Seattle: This film perhaps set the standard for romantic comedies; therefore, it’s not as terrible as most. Moreover, this film makes references to the Dirty Dozen and the Godfather, two of the manliest films ever made.
2) Fever Pitch: This film has some mildly amusing moments. I’m not exactly sure why this one is on the list. I think it’s because I was “rewarded” after the movie was over.
3) The Wedding Singer / Fifty First Dates: I lumped these films together, just because Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore appear in both. Adam Sandler has his mildly funny moments, hence why these films are included. Again, I believe something “good” happened to me after I watched these movies.
4) Love Actually: I have never seen this film all the way through, only parts on TV. It’s a British film and therefore employs subtle British Humor. It has some funny moments. I have yet to be “rewarded” for watching this film…
5) Whatever romantic comedy gets you some… “action”: Every once in a while, and hopefully only once in a while, us guys may have to bite the bullet. Only do so, brethren, when there is “something” in it for you, or when you’d rather not sleep on the couch.
Well, that’s it for now. May the guises of romantic capitalism swiftly pass you by.
5 comments:
I would have to agree that the romantic comedies that have been vomited up in the last few years share a similar, if not the same, formula. This, I think, is due to the suits that run studios that are more worried about making a profit, rather than taking a chance on someone with a creative, original story idea. I would encourage looking at romantic comedies that were made before 1990 and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the charm that has escaped their more recent predecessors. Films like It Happened One Night, The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby, and several others that basically set up what modern studio execs remake and slaughter to bring in their revenue. There's a reason these are considered "classics." These are the movies that defined the romantic comedy and are great examples of good story telling which have stood the test of time. By watching these, you'll be rewarded on many levels!
Amen Mr. Baird, Amen. I too have ben troubled by the blatant formula used in romantic comedies. I like "50 First Dates" but more for the humor provided by Adam Sandler and company.
First off, the Godfather is one word not two.
Secondly, I think these types of films make a lot of women vomit as well as men. Usually the women in these films are completely stereotypical. Us women in the real world are not the mute sex doll that gets put away after he leaves or the giddy bimbo that overly dramatic but goes back to the guy although he completely abandoned us in our time of need. F that.
Me, I prefer a good sci-fi movie. I particularly like Alien because the hero is a woman where most of the idiots killed off are men. However, some other awesome films I recommend are:
*Suicide Kings
*Hot Fuzz
*Flatlines
*Thank You For Smoking
*Slither
*Gattaca
*Blade Runner
*Indiana Jones movies
*Star Trek II and IV
*Star Wars VII, VIII, IX (the originals)
*Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill and most Quentin Tarrantino/Robert Rodriguez films
the list goes on and on....
So, just remember guys out there. If you see a movie that makes you want to vomit, many times this feeling will transcend gender. It's just because Hollywood lacks a little something I like to call talent. Shitty writers, pitching work to shitty producers, hiring shitty directors, making shitty films, containing shitty actors/actresses.
The End.
I agree that most of the crap that Hollywood puts out is just that, crap. Some of it is light and funny and gives us poor drones a chance to escape from reality, if only for a few moments. But seriously folks, let's consider how many young impressionable minds view this crap and think that this is the way it's supposed to be in life. The truth is we need more real heroes to wake us up to what's really important, like building a strong, close family life. Raising kids to believe in themselves and that honest endevours can be achieved if one is persistant. And above all, teach them that if they will counsel with the Lord in all their doings, He will direct them for good. I know this is true. Doubt not because ye know not.
I must make a correction. I belief it may have been in "You've got mail" that the references to the Dirty Dozen and the Godfather were made. Perhaps I misspoke because "something" happened after watching "Sleepless in Seattle".
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